Sunday, 8 January 2012

Passing of a Friend

I haven't blogged about this before as i think i did not believe it had happened but it has and I feel the need to tell you about it.  My husbands best friend had always been single and seemed happy enough. He had , had a couple of girl friends but not much came of them and they were over with not much of a fuss. He did however have a good  lady friend, nothing more, he worked with many years ago whom he talked of a few times. She went off and got married to someone else and through updates we knew that she had two children and lived abroad and Kens friend ( Jo) had vague letters from her over the years. It turned out that she had an unhappy marriage and eventually when the 2 sons were older she left her husband and moved back to York area where Jo and her (Rachel) picked up their friendship and took it a few steps further - a blossoming romance followed and Rachel moved in with Jo. We have never seen Jo happier and they seemed to be soul mates, totally besotted by each other. Rachel totally transformed Jo from a single middle aged man into an outgoing trainee family man. They bought a house together, Rachel resumed he job at the same place Jo worked, went on city breaks and had Rachel 2 sons to stay with them whenever they could ( they were at boarding schools and the Father still lived abroad). As I said we have never seen Jo so happy with his lot in life.  There were always suspicions from Ken and I that they  both drank too much but being occasional drinkers we thought nothing of it.  It was obviously more of a problem than we thought because in November Rachel was rushed into hospital and within 1 week was dead of Liver failure........................................................... I still cannot believe that this has happened and I cannot tell you how upset I am that her life was so out of control that she could not give up alcohol for the man she loved or for the 2 sons or even for herself.  Jo did not talk about this "problem" in their lives but it was obvious (now) that she had been drinking heavily for years - possibly the break up of her 1st marriage was because of this. The last time we saw Rachel was in Leeds in early November and it was not a good last meeting. She was dishevelled, had a swollen stomach ( she was a slim woman normally) Her face was very thread veined and her general appearance was not good. They had stopped off at Wetherspoons pub before meeting us at a restaurant and she drank a good bottle of wine over the meal.  Ken and I did comment between ourselves and we discussed whether I should have a private word with her but decided that nothing I could say would make any difference. In reality maybe I should have said something but I did not and now she is not with us anymore.  Jo rang us 5 days after our meal and said that Rachel had been rushed into hospital with Liver failure and was critical. We went over to York thinking we would visit Rachel but were steered clear by Jo who obviously did not want us to go to see her.  She passed away 2 days later - I am guessing if Jo could not make her stop drinking nothing I could say would have made any difference only caused her embarrassment and she was so far gone that she was already beyond any medical help.  Jo has since told us that she was secret drinking - she had stopped working 2 years ago under suspicious circumstances - we suspect drink was also involved here as well. She kept falling asleep at in-opportune moments - Once in the middle of an opera we were at with her anf Jo.............................
Addiction is a cruel disease and it is so sad that Rachel could not get on top of it - what a terrible terrible waste..................... I am so sad for Jo who is back to being a single man. However the few years they had together was great and Jo will never been the same man he was having had Rachel in his life. Nor will we.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry to hear about Rachel. A partner I had many years ago was addicted to drink. I tried everything to try and get him to get help but he wouldn't. In the end we broke up because I couldn't cope with it and the fact that he wa setting the children a bad example by drink driving. He died 3 years ago with liver failure. Seeing him in hospital so ill and in such pain, I hope will deter our daughter from thinking drinking is 'cool'.